Pride Comes Before a Fall

          I shut off my camera and sat contentedly back in my chair. I was finally able to attend this event and see my friend perform, and I had (of course) taken many pictures during the course of the performance. Now the curtain had drawn and I was sitting with friends, each commenting on our favorite parts, when a woman approached me. She paused a moment until I noticed her, and was obviously wanting to speak to me. I did not recognize her and in the minute of seeing her approach, I had racked my brain as to why she wanted to speak to me.
          Did she recognize me? But from where?  Church? or maybe one of my past plays I had been in? If so, what could she want to say to me?
          For a brief moment my racing(and somewhat prideful) mind thought, "Maybe she saw me in my big role a couple years ago, and was so impressed she wants to meet me?" -- a ridiculous thought, I know, but in the moment that's the only plausible thought that came to my mind as to why a complete stranger attending a performance in a theatre would want to talk to me. I smiled at her and raised my eyebrows slightly, encouraging her to speak and trying to anticipate what she might say.
          What she did say turned my night upside down and caused me to look inside myself....
          "Excuse me, but were you using your camera?" She motioned to my camera. I nodded. "Well, I could see the light from the screen all the way back where I was the whole time, and it was very distracting. You know, that is not okay to film our performances like that. Not only does affect the people around you, but it's stealing and it's wrong."
          "I'm so sorry about that. I wasn't filming though, I was only taking pictures." I answered.
          "It's not okay. How would you feel if you had someone in front of you with a camera's light in your eyes." She explained further how it was distracting, stealing, and wrong. While she never sounded mean or got angry with me, her body language and choice of words made clear she was very upset.
          "Do you have a friend or someone you know in the performance?"
          "Yes, my friend. I wanted some pictures of her."
           After explaining to me again why it was wrong to take pictures, she asked,
          "Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
          "Yes." I answered, keeping my eyes attentive to her gaze. "And I'm so sorry for the trouble I caused. I've been in plays before, and the audience takes pictures. I'm not usually in the audience though, so I guess I just didn't think about it this time. I'm very sorry. Thank you so much for telling me this."
          "You're welcome," She smiled. "I just wanted you to understand, that..... it's not okay." She walked away.
          I was left slightly stunned. I had taken pictures before at a couple plays, and never been complained about. I always make sure to try and conceal my camera's light as best I can by holding it up close to my body, and cupping my hand around the screen. Because I know it can be distracting and I don't want to upset anyone, because I know some people need total darkness to fully enjoy what they paid to come see. And I understand that. But that conversation afterward left me feeling attacked. A hundred questions and thoughts filled my head.
         Why did she have to do that? And in front of people I know? I can ignore cameras, why couldn't she? Didn't she see all the other people who were taking pictures? Why did she have to pick on me?
         I found it hard to be cheerful after leaving the building and driving away. I went over the conversation again and again, coming up with many tactful, yet sarcastic things I thought I "should have" said.
Things like,
          "I'm sorry ma'am. I don't know about you, but I'm poor. It's hard for me to afford ticket prices to come to these. Tonight I'm finally able to come, I got here late, and I just want some pictures of my friend to remember this night by. Maybe you don't know what it's like to be poor and not go to anything and everything you want."
          I'm someone who listens to music all the time in the car, particularly worship music. Well, tonight I drove in silence, smoldering with sarcastic comebacks I wish I could have said in response to her. I turned my car into Walmart parking lot and went inside for a couple grocery items.
          I wished I could speak to the woman again, now that I was "thinking clearly" about how I "should have responded" (haha).
          "I hope she has to go shopping too, so if I run into her so I can give her a piece of my mind." I grumbled to myself as I looked down each aisle on my trek to the back of the store for milk. I imagined what I might overhear her complaining to whomever she might be with:
           "Did you see that girl a few rows down from us? She was using her camera through most of the performance and the light was so distracting. I can't believe she was doing that. It's stealing!..."
          But by the time I reached the milk, grabbed a gallon, and headed back towards the front, my conscience started nudging me. I knew my anger wasn't right. If anything, I was the one in the wrong. Using my camera in that dark theater had distracted her from being able to enjoy what she had paid money to see. As much as I tried to hide the screen light, I had to admit to being a little too camera-happy and at times held the camera a little higher to get a good shot.
          Yet I had let myself get offended. I was angry because I was having a good time and that good time was interrupted by a stranger telling me that what I had done was wrong. As I left Walmart, I started thinking.......
           What if I had been able to say all those sarcastic things I came up with? What would she have thought about me as she walked away? She certainly would not have had a favorable impression of me. Something about me you might not know..... It's very important to me what people think of me. Now I don't mean appearance-wise, I mean impression-wise. Even when interacting with complete strangers. Is their impression of me that I'm sarcastic... or caring? Stuck-up... or humble? Showing anger.... or showing Jesus?
           I got into my car and started the engine. I suddenly imagined, if I had said the things I wanted to say, what kind of impression she might have walked away with:
           "Can you believe that girl at the performance? She was so snotty, and disrespectful. I can't believe she said those things to me, and she seemed so self-righteous!"
           And I realized, that lady probably didn't even want to confront me. She knew I was there to enjoy the performance, just like her, and she was probably nervous and may have even been concerned that I might be hurt by what she said.
           I felt sorry, even though I hadn't actually said any of those mean things. But what if I had said them, and afterward got into my car, and turned on my music to worship the Lord? I would feel like such a hypocrite!  I felt like God was looking down on me saying, "Finally she sees what I've been trying to tell her since she left the theater!"
.............................................................................................................................................
           God wants us to be sincere followers of Him all the time. Who we are at church on Sunday mornings should be who we are everyday, every moment, with whoever we interact with during the rest of the week. How can we be joyful servants of Him one day, and then grumbling grudge-holders the next day? We are not good examples of Christ to the world when we do that.
          We are not meant to be fair-weather friends with Jesus. We are called to live as examples of Him no matter how unkind someone is to us or how badly we may take what they said. It's not easy, no one ever said it was. But if it is in the service of and for the glory of our Lord and Savior, then it is so worth it in the end!
          How can you be a witness for Him to those around you in the everyday? Ask Him to help you be fearless and to have the words to speak.... He will not disappoint you!


In Him,
Shannon

True Love...

"Your true love will always come for you."

          Perhaps that sentence makes you smile in amusement, like it first did me. Or maybe you rolled your eyes in sarcasm. Maybe it brought back painful memories of a past relationship.
          "True love?" You might be thinking, "Prince Charmings and knights in shining armor belong in fairy tales and movies. This is the real world."
          Well, I'm here to tell you that your Prince does exist.
          Firstly, your Prince. How do you imagine him? Strong, handsome, and dashing to your rescue? Maybe gentle, steady, a man of integrity. Or perhaps you lean more towards the rugged type -- a bit rough from working hard, and sporting a beard. Maybe you could care less what he looks like as long as he loves you more than anything else in the world.
          Let me share with you a bit of my own story...
          I was around my Prince all my life, but never really fell in love until I was halfway through my teens. He'd been with me through life's joys, and through life's heartaches. He tried to comfort me during my rebellious years, but I insisted on being alone and the last thing I wanted was his advice. He was spoken highly of by my parents, especially my mother, who encouraged me to pursue a relationship. He tried talking to me many times, and I began getting frustrated. He was not the Prince Charming I wanted, and I had no interest in a relationship. I started doing everything I could to avoid contact with him. Sometimes I couldn't avoid him, so I could shut him out and look the other way. When Mom talked to me about letting him back into my life, I would leave the room. I was convinced a different Prince was out there for me, and I wouldn't listen to a work otherwise.
          A couple years passed by and my anger and rebellion deepened, and still I shut out my Prince. He never got frustrated with me, and he never stopped trying to reach me. Every now and then he would knock on my door, asking me to open it, but I ignored him. Then one day, I realized I was tired or being angry. I was tired of fighting, I was sad and weary of my self-isolation, but I didn't know how to get out of it, or where to turn. Then a familiar knock sounded on the door. Tears filled my eyes as I suddenly saw all his faithful efforts that I had turned my back on these past years, and I felt ashamed. I now knew I needed someone to share with, to hold me. And I knew I needed to open the door. I hesitated a minute, then threw doubt aside and I opened that door, letting my Prince into my life. I knew I didn't deserve Him. I had treated Him so badly for so long and still He forgave me and told me He loved me. He's not Prince Charming, He's the Prince of Peace, Jesus, and it's because of Him that I have the hope of a Happily Ever After.
You didn't see that one coming, did you?

          Before going further, let me say that no, I am not one of those girls who doesn't care for relationships and says "Jesus is all you need!" I watch Pride&Prejudice and other chick flicks, I dream of getting married and yes, there are guys I like, but when I really thought about it, I realized that it is possible for me to live without a Prince Charming in my life and still be happy and content. I used to feel scared even to the point of feeling lightheaded, when I thought of going through life without a "true love" to be there to hold me. I can't count the times through my teen years that I wasted time crying my eyes out that I didn't have a boyfriend, that I thought I wasn't pretty and that no one would ever want me for a wife. And that's exactly what it was: wasted time. I was depressed a lot because I didn't have a guy right then when I wanted one (ridiculous, really, considering I was barely 16 years old at the time!), but it was in recent years, that God showed me that I don't need a boyfriend in order to be happy and fulfilled. And He showed me that I had been placing a higher value on the love of a fellow fallen human, instead of the love of my Savior who died for me. What could be more important than the love of the One who created me, dying on a cross so that I could one day be with Him in paradise! And I was ignoring that and instead placing that importance on something else that I wanted.

The moment we let our happiness become dependent on the fulfillment of our

earthly desires, is the moment we are saying to God,

"You are not enough."

          It is not wrong to desire a relationship with another human being. What is wrong is to let that desire become more of a focus than our relationship with God is. I still want to be married one day, that longing did not go away after coming to these conclusions. What it did do was settle down into a better perspective, and that perspective is that God will always be my #1 priority, and if I want a Happily Ever After, I need to leave it in His hands, and let Him do the work in my life that He desires.

In His Love,
Shannon