"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: 

old things have passed away; 

behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17

          I caught a view of my younger self the other day... 

          The girl was thinner than I, with longer hair. I saw, in my mind's eye, how she interacted with her acquaintances and how she dressed. I saw insecurity. I saw low self-esteem. Those around her didn't know what was inside her head and heart, but I saw the truth. She wanted to look like the popular girls at church, she wanted to be in their circle and leave her tomboy reputation behind. She had finally traded her polo shirts and cargo shorts for skirts and blouses at church, but she still felt like it wasn't enough. Her life would never change she believed, and she would never be "a catch" for a good Christian boy like so many around her. I see a girl trapped in sin and addiction who wants out but never speaks of it.

          I see all of this while she smiles and laughs at a joke she doesn't understand, inching closer to the circle of girls in hopes that maybe this week she will become more than just an acquaintance, she will become a close friend who they invite to sleepovers and hanging out and..... and then.... HE walks into the room. I feel her heart skip a beat... Him. Her crush. Are they friends? She's not entirely sure, but he definitely notices her enough to say hello and ask about her week. One week he even walked with her down the street and they talked about something random, but she was SURE he liked her back after that day. I see my younger self, face blushing, heart racing, and I see what she sees. Impeccable hair, a handsome face, charismatic personality, and his laugh........ she thought she would never hear a more infectious laugh in her lifetime! Her greatest desire is that he ask her on a date, and she feels that destiny, no - God's will! - is that the two of them are meant for each other!

          I watch it all and I feel a mix of emotions. I wish I was thinner like her, wish I could go back and live my teen years all over and this time get it right! I would be popular, I would be fun and both guys and girls would want to hang out with me. I would not be shy and want to hide when called on in class to answer a question or make a comment. 

          My regrets and desires come and go as quickly as a gust of wind, and I see my younger self again. This time, I see her in light of who I am today, and what God has allowed and brought me through in my life to be who I am today. I imagine meeting my past self and what we might say to each other. Even though I see my current extra weight and flawed skin, and my hair in a braid she doesn't know how to do yet, I know she would look at me and be amazed at who she becomes. She would see a confidence that she doesn't know yet, a head held higher instead of shyly down, and a more carefree attitude about what others think than she has dared to explore. 

          There are so many things I could tell her... like the things she thinks are most important in her life are not lasting things. I could show her how to act, talk, and be in a group of people so she isn't so socially awkward. If I told her that more than half these people won't even be part of her life in 10 years, she would be in shock. She will accomplish such things in life that she wouldn't be able to imagine. If I told her she would join a YWAM school and travel to the literal other side of the world, she would not believe me. Or if I mentioned that she wouldn't be working in a veterinary, but with the elderly as a caregiver, she might recoil because at that point she thought "old people are gross!". If I told her that she WILL be liked by others for who she really is, not who she wants to be, she would be doubtful. If she knew that every boy she liked and thought was "God's will for her" was a dead end, she would be crushed. If I told her that she will one day be married to a man after God's heart who is so much more of a match for her than any boy she has fantasied about, she would look at me with wonder, because she can't fathom any mature Christian man ever wanting her for her.  I could tell her that she's not a failure in the home because she doesn't know how to cook. That in fact, in 15 years she would actually be cooking dinner for 40-60 people weekly, alongside her future husband, as a ministry for God, and it would blow her mind. If I told her that one day, her struggle with her sin problems that would last more than a decade would one day be a memory, because God would DELIVER her from them and give her new purpose in Him, she would break down crying because she has never felt that hope before in her failings. 

          ... I imagine her looking at me in expectation of all the wonderful things I could tell her that would change her world and help her, and I realize...... I wouldn't tell her. If it were possible to change my teenage life and improve myself socially, gain new skills sooner, even win the heart of one of my teen crushes, I would not do it. It was as if God opened my eyes and I saw that stage of my life in a whole new perspective. I can look back and see how each thing contributed to who I am today. Those things do not define who I am, but they helped shape my present personality, my relationship with God, my priorities, and my life goals. 

          If I had had tons of friends before, I wouldn't appreciate the few close ones I have now as much as I do. If I learned all my cooking skills then, I wouldn't have learned when I volunteered to help my husband (then just-a-friend) to cook for Monday night Bible study. How to cook for two as a newly married woman, and the happiness of making something for the first time for him and hearing how he loves it! If I had hit it off with that teen crush and we had entered into a relationship, I can imagine marrying him mostly out of fear that I if I didn't, I would lose my chance because no one else would ever want me (because I did feel that way after he stopped being nice to me and our friendship ended). And if I had kicked my sinful habits to the curb back then, yes it would have been amazing(!), but I also know that I wouldn't have had the experience of rejoicing with my husband over the victory Christ gave both of us in our individual problems, at the same time! I had the prayers, support, shoulder to cry on, and unconditional love from my fiancé during the process of God's deliverance from my past, and he had mine for his own process.

          God's ways are not our ways, and that my heart knows very well. Instead of looking at all my past regrets, and wishing I could change them, I choose to be thankful that God led me to where I am today. I choose to be thankful for the life He has given me NOW, and I choose to look ahead to the future unknowns and ask Him, "What do You have next for me? How are you going to use this circumstance or trial to lead me to the next best thing?" 

What will you choose?

In Christ,

Shannon

May 2018 in Asia

August 2020 - Our Wedding Day!

A Beautiful Thing...

   

  It's a beautiful thing to have the trust of an elderly person who has dementia.

    As their caregiver, companion, or aide this is one of the most important elements in helping them get through every day. A co-worker of mine, after telling me of a resident who gave her a difficult time, once said: 

"Well, you can't choose who you take care of, that's for sure."

    She meant it as an sarcastic bitter truth, but what she said caused me to ponder deeply why it is I do what I do. In a sense, she was right. We can't pick and choose which residents we would like to attend to, and only take care of the ones we like, ones who are "with it" mentally and we get along with best. But she missed an even more key truth:

~ They can't choose who takes care of them ~

    They can't choose which aide comes in their room to help them each day. They hope you will be kind, understanding, patient, and cheerful. Unfortunately, this is often not the case though, which means many residents you meet may have a history of abuse from past aides or a different facility. Because of their state of mind from their illness, they may not be able to recall the bad details, but how they felt in those situations is often still with them. 

     For example: 

           An aide is verbally abusive to her resident while helping them shower, because the resident is physically limited and mentally incapable of following simple directions. This happens often, and then a new aide is hired and assigned to the resident. The new aide tries to transfer her into the shower and the resident responds by protesting and pleading and struggling against her efforts. She doesn't know this aide is kind and gentle, and she doesn't even remember the mean aide from before. But she knows that when she is in in that shower, she is belittled and treated roughly, and so she panics. It is a conditioned response, one that is not the resident's fault but the only way she knows to stand up for herself. And this is where the "why I do what I do" comes in I referred to earlier.

     I believe in change. I believe in overcoming. And I believe a cheerful heart, kind words and actions, and respect can go a long way because I've seen it. I've seen residents who have a past of abuse go from defensive to trusting over time, from being shown from good aides that they are in a safe place and are valued and loved. And it is beautiful to see. To look into their eyes and wonder what they have experienced in the past at the hands of the very people who are supposed to take care of them, and see those eyes looking with trust and smiling at you. Knowing it's been a long time since they've trusted anyone like that. 

     They didn't ask for this life of dependency on aides to live every day. It's humiliating to need help to go to the bathroom, to get dressed, need an arm to support them. I know because I've been there. I was so ill once that I needed that kind of help in my weakened state. They didn't ask for this. But they are asking for kindness and understanding. They are asking that you respect what dignity they have left and love them, even when they cannot control their behavior and they "give you a hard time". And yes, I know there are always a select few who do so intentionally (some people are bitter to the very end), but they still need kindness, even if it only comes from you and I.

     They can't choose who takes care of them...… But those who care can choose to act. 

  

"Caring for those who once cared for us, is one of the highest honors."

~ Shannon

God's Plan, Not Ours

God works in mysterious ways.

If you had asked me a month ago during my unemployment what job I would most want to do, I would have said "Veterinarian Assistant" without batting an eye.
Where am I now? Well, I'm not in a veterinary clinic, that's for sure.

At the beginning of summer I left my job of nearly 2 years working as a cashier at Hobby Lobby. While I thoroughly enjoyed taking the summer off of working, I soon realized that it was time to get back to work. For the past couple months I looked hard for a job in the veterinary field. I dropped off applications to every place in or around Petoskey. I dropped in often to ask if they were hiring and watched online ads constantly, hoping to find a job at one that didn't require experience or college education in that field. Nothing came up.

But something strange started happening: every time I was online and scrolling through the Help Wanted ads, I noticed just how many ads there were jobs in the assisted living field. Now you need to understand something about me: my entire life I have always said, that if there is one job I just couldn't do, it was nursing or working with the very elderly in a facility.

I think God smiled and shook His head every time I said that.

I realized that I felt drawn towards those ads, for some reason. "Is this You, Lord?", I wondered. I began praying about it daily. I was afraid that He wanted me in that line of work, and that He wouldn't give me my life's desire of working with animals. I stressed and worried and asked Him that it wouldn't be His plan for me. I played tug-of-war with God for a while, and then one day I realized that I was fighting against God to have my way. MY way. So I looked heavenward, surrendered my strong will, and said "Well, Lord, if you want me in that line of work, I will go."

I applied at a two different facilities, had 2 interviews, and was hired at Mallard Cove Senior Living of Petoskey as the mid-shift, working four ten-hour days a week, and in exactly the spot that I always refused to be in.

Am I living my dream? No................ and yes. I'm in my second week at Mallard Cove, and while I'm not helping sick animals or fan-girling over fluffy puppies, I am living out the dream God has for me, for as long as He wants me to.

The cons so far? : Training was hard and overwhelming. I went home crying hard the first day, because I just couldn't emotionally and mentally handle seeing our elderly in the states of health most of them are in, knowing that they will not get better. It was a kind of culture-shock for me. I felt embarrassment for them when I had to observe bathroom assistance and showers, and my heart broke every time I interacted with one with Alzheimer's and dementia.  I wanted to quit my first week, but knew that I should give it more time. I asked the Lord that if He really wanted me there, to help me see this job through His eyes. He did, and I started my second week with a better perspective.

This past week and a half, I have observed bathroom breaks, showers, and a catheterization. I've ran around like crazy during breakfast, taking down meal orders, running food out, busing tables, and doing tons of dishes. I've had a migraine practically every day from having my meal and sleep schedule overthrown by sudden changes of working full time and the stresses of a new job. I've had to step, no leap, out of my comfort zone in huge ways. I've been kneeled under a table scraping chewed scrambled egg off the floor from a resident who has trouble feeding herself.

But in spite of these things, I have seen and experience good things. I have felt the grateful warm grasp of a thin hand on mine when I serve breakfast with a smile. I have seen the mischievous twinkle in wrinkle-framed eyes when I get teased good-naturedly for being the "new girl". I've learned that elderly people who don't remember where they are or who you are are every bit loved by God and important as those who are the greatest minds of our time. Our elderly were once as we are: young, full of dreams and wonder, going about their days and not giving much thought to when they only have so many days left.

Is this job glamorous? No.
Is it comfortable? No.
Is it frustrating? At times.
Is my job worth getting out of my comfort zone? YES, because I have the privilege of serving my Lord through taking care of those close and dear to His heart, for He cares about them just as much as He does us. A lot of people see "old people" with things like dementia and other handicaps and want nothing to with them. They don't want to get involved and it's too uncomfortable and frustrating to deal with them. I know because I used to think like that, and it's still something I have to guard against falling back into. The right thing to do is never easy, but in the end it is so worth it.

Jesus said in Matthew 25:34-40 -

"Then the King will say to those on His right hand, 

'Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; 

I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you visited Me.'

Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed You,

or thirsty and give You a drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, 

or naked and clothe you? Or when did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to You?'

And the King will answer and say to them, 

'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, 

you did it to Me.' "

Jesus is saying that whenever we help the hungry, thirsty, strangers, poor, sick, etc., and we help them in His Name, it is as though we are doing the deeds unto Him, the Lord. 

So next time you are in line in a store, and there is an older person having trouble with their money, or you have one as a customer at your job and they don't understand your explaining of company rules, or you are talking to a senior and they start telling you the same story for the 50th time, I challenge you: Have patience. Let them be slow. You may be in a hurry, but you can't make them go faster. They need understanding, not frustrated attitude, because most likely they can't do anything about the things that irritate you. And you may be in their place one day, and you will want that kind word and understanding attitude from those you interact with. Be compassionate. 

If you read this whole post, I thank you. If you not only read it but took it to heart, I thank you tremendously. Let's try to make a difference in the world by how we interact with our elderly! Your kindness and patience may be all that they get for that day, or for the rest of their days....

In Him, 

~Shannon

When Good Things Fall Apart

         
          "Why, God? Why did you allow that to happen?....... Why?" I stared searchingly into the cloud-spotted sky and uttered these questions, desperate for an answer. A lingering winter chill remained in the air, the wind blowing it gently in my face. New tiny leaves quivered in the breeze, one of the only signs of spring that had come. And I stood there. And I asked, "Why?"
          As some of you may know(mostly if you've read my previous blog posts), I went through the hardest time of my life 3 1/2 years ago when I became very sick with stomach ulcers. The ulcers themselves might not have been very hard to cure, or have taken as long as it did, but mix that with a teenage girl with anxiety problems and you have over 2 years of treatment and recovery. And for a girl with plans and dreams... I felt like my world had ended, before my life even had a chance to begin.
          At the time I was involved in one of the most life-changing things in my life -- my Purity Ring drama group. Because of them, a girl bent on women's equality and the right to do whatever she wanted, became a girl dedicated to living out God's plan for her as a young woman, and turned over her own dreams in to the Author's hand. This drama group played one of the most important roles in my life -- showing me how to live in God's will wholeheartedly. I spent 3 years of active involvement in that group, the best 3 years of my life, and I had plans for there to be a 4th.... But God had other plans.
          All Spring and Summer I had been slowly struggling with food. My stomach would hurt after eating, and so I began eating less and less, seeing how much I could get by without. I had anxiety about this, and it also got channeled into my social life. I began to feel sick to my stomach before leaving my house to hang out with friends or go to church. Then I started throwing up. My mother then noticed something was wrong, and I was taken to the doctor, who believed I was anorexic. I insisted I was not. I have never had any problems with my body image that would cause me to not eat, I told her. Finally she said if it wasn't anorexia, then my symptoms indicated it must be stomach ulcers, and she would treat me as a patient of such. It would be a long process, I would need bed rest and a diet of the lightest, easiest foods(if I could hold them down), and most importantly, I needed to have a good perspective and not stress. But for a teenage girl with anxiety problems(already), it broke me. I sunk to the lowest pit of depression and hopelessness I have ever experienced, which made the ulcer treatment take much longer than it should have, which resulted in over 2 years of treatment and recovery, which meant........ All of my dreams were crushed in the dirt, including my 4th year of Purity Ring drama group, something that might seem insignificant by comparison, but my heart and love for that group was and is so strong, that it just tore me apart when I realized I had to call it quits. Rejoining in the future was also out of the question -- I would be too old. My 4th year would have been my last, as I was turning 19 that fall. My heart felt shattered in pieces, and sank into darkness.
          Fast forward many months, and I was standing on the front porch of my house, staring into that sky, asking "Why?". I had just returned home from visiting my drama group after not leaving my house all winter and fall(except for doctor appointments and tests). God had been teaching me a LOT in that time, about trusting Him and his plan for me (- See my post "God Knows Best" -) and I had finally come to a place of peacefulness about my situation, and I had hope for my future with my God who saved me. But when I visited my old friends and mentors, everything came flooding back -- the Purity lessons, the deep and meaningful talks, the auditions, rehearsals, play week, etc. And all at once I was overcame with feelings of deep sadness and frustration. I had been a part of something incredible, something life-changing and beautiful. Why had God pulled me out of it? Why? I had accomplished so much, made friends for the first time in my life, gained so many new experiences I never thought I would. How could God do this to me?
           And so I stood there, searching, tears streaming down my face, demanding an answer, as though I could command one to fall from the sky. I spoke those words, "Why, God? Why did you allow me to not be a part of that anymore? Why?" Suddenly a Voice spoke to me:

"I have something better for you to be a part of."

          I looked and there was no one around me. I was alone, yet I had heard His voice. "Something better??" I said. "What could You have for me that is better than my time spent in that group?" My question was not answered in the same way, and eventually I retreated to the warm inside of my

house, but I was left astounded. God's plan for me to be a part of Purity Ring was over, but He had a plan for my life that would be even better?! I was baffled, dumbstruck, speechless.... and thankful. So thankful. What love has our Father bestowed upon us! What great plans He has in store for us, if we would stop trying to write our own story! How wonderful God is! How wise, how merciful! His thoughts about us are numbered more than the grains of sand(Psalm 139:17-18), and we are never out of His sight! Praise Him! for He is sovereign over all!

          Yes, my 3 years in drama were the best years of my life, but you know what?........ my life has only just begun! And so has yours. Will you let Him have it?

~In His name,

          Shannon

Pride Comes Before a Fall

          I shut off my camera and sat contentedly back in my chair. I was finally able to attend this event and see my friend perform, and I had (of course) taken many pictures during the course of the performance. Now the curtain had drawn and I was sitting with friends, each commenting on our favorite parts, when a woman approached me. She paused a moment until I noticed her, and was obviously wanting to speak to me. I did not recognize her and in the minute of seeing her approach, I had racked my brain as to why she wanted to speak to me.
          Did she recognize me? But from where?  Church? or maybe one of my past plays I had been in? If so, what could she want to say to me?
          For a brief moment my racing(and somewhat prideful) mind thought, "Maybe she saw me in my big role a couple years ago, and was so impressed she wants to meet me?" -- a ridiculous thought, I know, but in the moment that's the only plausible thought that came to my mind as to why a complete stranger attending a performance in a theatre would want to talk to me. I smiled at her and raised my eyebrows slightly, encouraging her to speak and trying to anticipate what she might say.
          What she did say turned my night upside down and caused me to look inside myself....
          "Excuse me, but were you using your camera?" She motioned to my camera. I nodded. "Well, I could see the light from the screen all the way back where I was the whole time, and it was very distracting. You know, that is not okay to film our performances like that. Not only does affect the people around you, but it's stealing and it's wrong."
          "I'm so sorry about that. I wasn't filming though, I was only taking pictures." I answered.
          "It's not okay. How would you feel if you had someone in front of you with a camera's light in your eyes." She explained further how it was distracting, stealing, and wrong. While she never sounded mean or got angry with me, her body language and choice of words made clear she was very upset.
          "Do you have a friend or someone you know in the performance?"
          "Yes, my friend. I wanted some pictures of her."
           After explaining to me again why it was wrong to take pictures, she asked,
          "Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
          "Yes." I answered, keeping my eyes attentive to her gaze. "And I'm so sorry for the trouble I caused. I've been in plays before, and the audience takes pictures. I'm not usually in the audience though, so I guess I just didn't think about it this time. I'm very sorry. Thank you so much for telling me this."
          "You're welcome," She smiled. "I just wanted you to understand, that..... it's not okay." She walked away.
          I was left slightly stunned. I had taken pictures before at a couple plays, and never been complained about. I always make sure to try and conceal my camera's light as best I can by holding it up close to my body, and cupping my hand around the screen. Because I know it can be distracting and I don't want to upset anyone, because I know some people need total darkness to fully enjoy what they paid to come see. And I understand that. But that conversation afterward left me feeling attacked. A hundred questions and thoughts filled my head.
         Why did she have to do that? And in front of people I know? I can ignore cameras, why couldn't she? Didn't she see all the other people who were taking pictures? Why did she have to pick on me?
         I found it hard to be cheerful after leaving the building and driving away. I went over the conversation again and again, coming up with many tactful, yet sarcastic things I thought I "should have" said.
Things like,
          "I'm sorry ma'am. I don't know about you, but I'm poor. It's hard for me to afford ticket prices to come to these. Tonight I'm finally able to come, I got here late, and I just want some pictures of my friend to remember this night by. Maybe you don't know what it's like to be poor and not go to anything and everything you want."
          I'm someone who listens to music all the time in the car, particularly worship music. Well, tonight I drove in silence, smoldering with sarcastic comebacks I wish I could have said in response to her. I turned my car into Walmart parking lot and went inside for a couple grocery items.
          I wished I could speak to the woman again, now that I was "thinking clearly" about how I "should have responded" (haha).
          "I hope she has to go shopping too, so if I run into her so I can give her a piece of my mind." I grumbled to myself as I looked down each aisle on my trek to the back of the store for milk. I imagined what I might overhear her complaining to whomever she might be with:
           "Did you see that girl a few rows down from us? She was using her camera through most of the performance and the light was so distracting. I can't believe she was doing that. It's stealing!..."
          But by the time I reached the milk, grabbed a gallon, and headed back towards the front, my conscience started nudging me. I knew my anger wasn't right. If anything, I was the one in the wrong. Using my camera in that dark theater had distracted her from being able to enjoy what she had paid money to see. As much as I tried to hide the screen light, I had to admit to being a little too camera-happy and at times held the camera a little higher to get a good shot.
          Yet I had let myself get offended. I was angry because I was having a good time and that good time was interrupted by a stranger telling me that what I had done was wrong. As I left Walmart, I started thinking.......
           What if I had been able to say all those sarcastic things I came up with? What would she have thought about me as she walked away? She certainly would not have had a favorable impression of me. Something about me you might not know..... It's very important to me what people think of me. Now I don't mean appearance-wise, I mean impression-wise. Even when interacting with complete strangers. Is their impression of me that I'm sarcastic... or caring? Stuck-up... or humble? Showing anger.... or showing Jesus?
           I got into my car and started the engine. I suddenly imagined, if I had said the things I wanted to say, what kind of impression she might have walked away with:
           "Can you believe that girl at the performance? She was so snotty, and disrespectful. I can't believe she said those things to me, and she seemed so self-righteous!"
           And I realized, that lady probably didn't even want to confront me. She knew I was there to enjoy the performance, just like her, and she was probably nervous and may have even been concerned that I might be hurt by what she said.
           I felt sorry, even though I hadn't actually said any of those mean things. But what if I had said them, and afterward got into my car, and turned on my music to worship the Lord? I would feel like such a hypocrite!  I felt like God was looking down on me saying, "Finally she sees what I've been trying to tell her since she left the theater!"
.............................................................................................................................................
           God wants us to be sincere followers of Him all the time. Who we are at church on Sunday mornings should be who we are everyday, every moment, with whoever we interact with during the rest of the week. How can we be joyful servants of Him one day, and then grumbling grudge-holders the next day? We are not good examples of Christ to the world when we do that.
          We are not meant to be fair-weather friends with Jesus. We are called to live as examples of Him no matter how unkind someone is to us or how badly we may take what they said. It's not easy, no one ever said it was. But if it is in the service of and for the glory of our Lord and Savior, then it is so worth it in the end!
          How can you be a witness for Him to those around you in the everyday? Ask Him to help you be fearless and to have the words to speak.... He will not disappoint you!


In Him,
Shannon

True Love...

"Your true love will always come for you."

          Perhaps that sentence makes you smile in amusement, like it first did me. Or maybe you rolled your eyes in sarcasm. Maybe it brought back painful memories of a past relationship.
          "True love?" You might be thinking, "Prince Charmings and knights in shining armor belong in fairy tales and movies. This is the real world."
          Well, I'm here to tell you that your Prince does exist.
          Firstly, your Prince. How do you imagine him? Strong, handsome, and dashing to your rescue? Maybe gentle, steady, a man of integrity. Or perhaps you lean more towards the rugged type -- a bit rough from working hard, and sporting a beard. Maybe you could care less what he looks like as long as he loves you more than anything else in the world.
          Let me share with you a bit of my own story...
          I was around my Prince all my life, but never really fell in love until I was halfway through my teens. He'd been with me through life's joys, and through life's heartaches. He tried to comfort me during my rebellious years, but I insisted on being alone and the last thing I wanted was his advice. He was spoken highly of by my parents, especially my mother, who encouraged me to pursue a relationship. He tried talking to me many times, and I began getting frustrated. He was not the Prince Charming I wanted, and I had no interest in a relationship. I started doing everything I could to avoid contact with him. Sometimes I couldn't avoid him, so I could shut him out and look the other way. When Mom talked to me about letting him back into my life, I would leave the room. I was convinced a different Prince was out there for me, and I wouldn't listen to a work otherwise.
          A couple years passed by and my anger and rebellion deepened, and still I shut out my Prince. He never got frustrated with me, and he never stopped trying to reach me. Every now and then he would knock on my door, asking me to open it, but I ignored him. Then one day, I realized I was tired or being angry. I was tired of fighting, I was sad and weary of my self-isolation, but I didn't know how to get out of it, or where to turn. Then a familiar knock sounded on the door. Tears filled my eyes as I suddenly saw all his faithful efforts that I had turned my back on these past years, and I felt ashamed. I now knew I needed someone to share with, to hold me. And I knew I needed to open the door. I hesitated a minute, then threw doubt aside and I opened that door, letting my Prince into my life. I knew I didn't deserve Him. I had treated Him so badly for so long and still He forgave me and told me He loved me. He's not Prince Charming, He's the Prince of Peace, Jesus, and it's because of Him that I have the hope of a Happily Ever After.
You didn't see that one coming, did you?

          Before going further, let me say that no, I am not one of those girls who doesn't care for relationships and says "Jesus is all you need!" I watch Pride&Prejudice and other chick flicks, I dream of getting married and yes, there are guys I like, but when I really thought about it, I realized that it is possible for me to live without a Prince Charming in my life and still be happy and content. I used to feel scared even to the point of feeling lightheaded, when I thought of going through life without a "true love" to be there to hold me. I can't count the times through my teen years that I wasted time crying my eyes out that I didn't have a boyfriend, that I thought I wasn't pretty and that no one would ever want me for a wife. And that's exactly what it was: wasted time. I was depressed a lot because I didn't have a guy right then when I wanted one (ridiculous, really, considering I was barely 16 years old at the time!), but it was in recent years, that God showed me that I don't need a boyfriend in order to be happy and fulfilled. And He showed me that I had been placing a higher value on the love of a fellow fallen human, instead of the love of my Savior who died for me. What could be more important than the love of the One who created me, dying on a cross so that I could one day be with Him in paradise! And I was ignoring that and instead placing that importance on something else that I wanted.

The moment we let our happiness become dependent on the fulfillment of our

earthly desires, is the moment we are saying to God,

"You are not enough."

          It is not wrong to desire a relationship with another human being. What is wrong is to let that desire become more of a focus than our relationship with God is. I still want to be married one day, that longing did not go away after coming to these conclusions. What it did do was settle down into a better perspective, and that perspective is that God will always be my #1 priority, and if I want a Happily Ever After, I need to leave it in His hands, and let Him do the work in my life that He desires.

In His Love,
Shannon

This Valentine's Day...

So, Valentine's Day is today. My workplace(Subway) is inside Walmart, so I've been seeing all the cards, chocolates, and cute stuffed animals holding hearts that say "I love you". And if you're like a lot of people I saw yesterday, you were out buying your last-minute flowers and cards for that special someone. Now before going any further, I'll tell you that this is not a I'm-single-and-lonely-so-I-hate-Valentine's-Day rant. I love seeing all those husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends taking the time to go find something to make V-Day extra special for their significant other. But it got me thinking. What about the people who don't have "anyone"(myself included)? The people who cry through February and try to avoid the pink and red sections of the store where they're shopping. Now, being a Christian, I will say(truthfully), that God is your everything and He loves you so much He died for you!! Whenever I feel depressed about my relationship status(or lack thereof), it's usually because I've lost sight of that truth. But there's more I want to say to you, dear friends. Whenever I feel down, no matter what it is, the advice I receive is commonly this -- "Take the focus off of yourself, make someone else's day instead". But how can you make someone else feel loved around Valentine's Day, without making that person uncomfortably awkweird? After all, Valentine's Day is all about romance, right?! WRONG. It doesn't have to be. Now think, who is someone around you who doesn't have anyone "special", who feels lonely and even tearful at this time of year? The answer I came up with?....................... Siblings! You know, those people who you can be your crazy self with and they don't judge you, they just be crazy right back! So I have a challenge to ya'll reading this(single or not): Do you have a single sibling(or cousin; cousins can be just like siblings as well:)? Then make today special for them! Like I said, Valentine's doesn't have to be romantic mushiness. I have a brother. So I made him a card and told him how grateful I am that he's my brother and I love him. And he appreciated it a lot. And we unexpectedly started a tradition every Valentine's Day of letting the other know how much we appreciate eachother(he even surprised me with flowers and chocolate last year!). Are you a sister who has a brother? make him a card and let him know he's appreciated! Are you a brother who has a sister? buy her some flowers and tell her you love her! Are you a sister with a sister? give her a hug and tell her she's loved! Are you a brother with.... a brother? A simple encouraging word can go a long way; encourage him to hang in there! But most of all, remind them who they are in Christ. Remind them that if they put their focus on following God, and trusting Him with their future(and that includes future relationships), then He will bless them with His peace. When we commit our way to Him, and believe that His plan for our lives is perfect, then we don't have to worry. We have a Father who knows the number of the hairs on our heads, who knows our hearts, knows our desires, and knows our pains. And there are people close in our lives who need to be reminded. Sisters, brothers, cousins, friends, nieces, nephews(you get the idea). Take the opportunity tomorrow to remind one(or more) of them of the incredible plan God has for their lives! Do you yourself have yet to trust Him with your Happily Ever After? Then I pray that this has opened your heart. Already trust Him? Share that trust with someone else!

In Christ, Shannon :)
#HappyValentinesDay